Body issues


What do you even say to someone who body shames you anymore?

I mean you can always scream at fairness cream ads as they play on TV or on your YouTube. Although it is really ironic when that plays before a standup comedian is about to take on cosmetic products. Like almost there to prove that comic’s point. 

Body shaming is actually a form of an abuse, and when I say it I can hear a voice in my head saying, “well are you just saying it cause you are putting on weight? And people have begun to point it out.”

My answer immediately is HELL YEAH. 

Why am I to feel guilty about how I feel? That’s not okay.

If people can openly have an opinion about my body which has nothing to do with them, but is doing a great job keeping me alive then why am I not to criticise that opinion? 

Having an opinion about their opinion. (Too much? Sorry)

But I do have an opinion. It is called being defensive and I am probably not proud of it. But everytime someone mentions about a part of my body that looks too fat I wish to walk with a thud with the help of my thunder thighs and stop eating the deep-fried-unhealthy-snack I comically put in my hand in this scenario and scream “So?!”

No, that is not what I do though. But you should really not be messing with someone who is growing ‘bigger’. They are clearly getting more nutrition than you are and even if they are depressed – they are big. They can sit on you and cry about their problems while eating more food! 

No, that is not a warning. 

Instead, I take healthy measures like join a power yoga class and then over exert on the fourth day and break my knee and lie on the bed for over two weeks now. That is progress. Cause it means I am rendered incapable of reaching anything unhealthy to eat. (So I make people in my house bring the food to me!)

Everytime people ask “How did you put on weight?” I honestly have no answer. Maybe my metabolism slowly decided to ‘downsize’ its employees. But also why is it someone else’s concern on what my body does?

I do know that I put on weight while that one pair of jeans (now 4 I think) no longer fit me. It is not like I am blind. I preen in front of the mirror as much as the next woman who is insecure about her body. “I wish I could just chop this big chunk of my skin to feel better.” And you know the other normal thoughts.

I also know how and when to take measures. So thank you for your concern and I am not sorry that my physical appearances no longer have your approval. 

It is so hard for me to even type the above because I have been told that any form of ‘weight’ is a form of failure. 

I, in fact, at the start of the year loved how my body was getting to be. Any time someone said “You seem like you are putting on weight.” I replied, “I know and I like it.” All of that while I looked into a mirror and blushed. Exactly how women (men too?) blush when someone says they have lost weight.

I did like it, I never abused my body or disrespected it. It just felt comfortable. 

I knew I was unhealthy when I no longer felt fresh throughout a regular Sunday and which is why I took up yoga.

A part of me genuinely took up yoga because I no longer could look at the mirror. Because I started looking at my reflection from the eyes of my critics. “Yes. They are so right about this. It is too much, too ugly.” 

And most women do that, I don’t want to make them a part of my personal battle, but I have been made a part of theirs by the virtue of being a woman. 

A friend of mine told me a celebrity called Parineeti Chopra mentioned how she got her ‘confidence’ back because she lost weight. It is great to look good – but it is stupid to make your self esteem depend upon the way your body looks.

I also realised that it is bad enough that my body is criticised by some of those who see it, I should not let its own pair of eyes demean it. Therefore I respect it and I love it. 

It is mine and it is the only thing that has so far kept me alive. I dont think I’d be able to live without it literally

This also means I respect it enough to also make healthier choices, but that is personal. 

And if you think, “Jeez woman, why are you so obsessed with your body? You are taking it too seriously.”

Well, if this is weird then why isnt the billion or maybe trillion dollar industry that ‘configures’ woman’s body not weird? Or the fact that others feel entitled to tell me how I need to ‘reshape’. 

And I obviously take my body seriously, cause it is mine after all.

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