Thank you

I have been so involved in my own world and life that it never occurred to me to thank my parents. Mentally.

Today I would like to thank my father’s legs for all the long journeys he had to make on foot and sleep in cramped areas. I would like to thank you for helping my father succeed and being a great help through his journey. Thank you for carrying and bearing the burden.

I would like to thank my dad’s torso including stomach and also all the other internal organs. For making sure everything works smoothly inspite there not being much opportunity for him to take care of you, either by laziness or circumstances. Mainly the latter. I also would like to apologise for the harm caused by me. My dad’s hands, face, hair, every molecule that has lived, lives and will live. And also to his mind. I want to thank you, apologise to you and say I love you. You have truly enhanced me and my life

You have given me life. And I want to thank you for that. nd you have supported me throughout. Given me the space to grow and nurtured me.

I want to apologize for all the stress I’ve caused knowingly and unknowingly. Whether it was my education, my expenses or any of my immature behaviour. I apologise for all the pain and troubles you’ve gone through.

I want to say simply I love you. I accept you and I genuinely love you.

For my beautiful mother and her body and her mind. Every molecule that has lived, lives and will live in her body. I want to sayI apologise, thank you and I love you. You have truly suffered a lot emotionally on my account. That stress must have reflected on your body. I want to apologize for that very deeply. At times I even realised what I was doing and couldn’t stop my self. Please do forgive me. I want to say thank you for going through the emotional and physical labour of bearing me as a child. And I want to say I love you for everything and I accept you.

I want to say to both that I am honoured to be an offspring of yours. You have truly given me life in the best sense possible. I apologise for all the pain and hurt I’ve caused you. I want to thank you for giving me such a wonderful life where I can explore 5he world physically and mentally. You have given me the best of things, materialliscally, emotionally and physically. I hope to cherish it all.

I want to say I deeply love you. 🙏

Thank you and goodnight

Every night before sleeping I would like to do and say this.

Life, I thank you and I love you. I apologize for all the hurt I’ve caused you. You are wonderful.

To the universe I am grateful for gifting me this wonderful life. I am living happily well. With health wealth and happiness growing in my life.

Goodnight Thank You

Life : You Are Wonderful

This blog post is solely for Sangita and Sangita only.

You are valuable. This life that has been bestowed to you. Be grateful. It is a wonderful life. The universe has blessed you and I respect it.

This life is a gift from above and I am enjoying and loving every minute of it. There may be days where I may dislike things. But never for once will I ever bring hate. Instead I will always bring love to my life.

Dear Life of Sangita,

You are beautiful. I am thankful for this journey. As we embark upon the journey ahead, I promise to treat you with more respect and care. I promise to value you even more than I do now. I promise to be grateful for you every single day.

I appreciate the force of life which keeps me afloat. Life that has brought these experiences to me. That has made me who I am and continues to power my consciousness.

Life, while you do your thing I sometimes criticise you, speak negatively and wish to get an escape. I deeply apologize for that. You have been amazing to me irrespective. Sometimes my weak willpower in the past has been terribly rude to you. But that is not an excuse to treat you the way I did.

You are wonderful. Your powerful force keeps me afloat. I sometimes measure you with the ‘things I get’ or people I meet. I sometimes measure you in the way this world measures ‘things’.

You are beyond the measurements of this world. Your value is inexplicable. I have at times treated you as my enemy. Treated you as if you work against me.

Today I know deep down that is not the case. You are bringing experiences to me so I understand you better. I understand the true me better.

Life, I love you, I respect you and I am thankful for you.

Life, I embrace you. Escaping you without your consent will be a silly act.

Life, You Are Wonderful.

I at times put a lot of pressure on you and try to design you to only appease me. Without realising that the selfish me has very small dreams compared what you have. You have a bigger and a brighter and a more nobler vision for me.

Life, I apologize.

I apologize for measuring you. I swim in you and your magnanimity.

Thank you. I will continue to embrace and respect you.

You have given me a sense of calm and understanding. Nobody else could have given me this.

Thank you Sir, Universe, and Graphology.

Familia light

Sometimes life throws you so many curveballs. You lose sight of what has happened or is happening.

More than anything you lose sight of your own world. You start to feel like you’re this lost soul who has suddenly drifted into uncharted territory by yourself.

At this point I ask you to light a candle. See. See those who are standing beside you. For you. Who are supporting you.

As you leave your comfort zone, see those who are watching and cheering for you. Who are there no matter how you fare.

Family is the one thing that will stand by you no matter what. And always remember that they have been there all along and will continue to be there even in the future.

Without them, you are nothing and for them you are everything.

So sleep my child, as you grow older you will gain more wisdom and insight.

Deserving of happiness

A lot of times there will be moments when people will tell you silly things. They would make you feel as if you’re beneath them.

As if they have this power or authority over you and can use it to “show you your place”. Or simply exercise that power with no agenda.

What should you do in such a situation? You shouldn’t let that person hold so much power. But that is almost never in your hands is it?

What about using handle of happiness here? Yes. Use it. Use it well.

Take away their ability to define your mood. Their ability to decide how they make you feel. Since we are the ones who give meaning to words anyway.

Be detached. And after you’ve done this, remember the following.

You are an amazing human being.

You deserve to be loved unconditionally and you will be.

Your spouse loves you deeply and respects you. He wants to spend every minute of his life with you while granting you space as well. He wants to discover the world with you, outside and inside both.

He respects you and considers you to be highly thoughtful and wonderful. His love for you only evolves in time. It grows by the day.

He cares for you and provides you security of all kinds.

He wants you.

You are capable and deserving of this kind of love.

You will get it. Even if you ever feel down even for a second remember that it is temporary. In the grander scheme of things. You are on the right path.

feel

Family

The one who gives has nothing to fear.

A lot of times I wonder why did I choose this particular family to be my family. I mean I have faced so many hardships at times for no fault of my own (presumably).

So why?

Today I got my answer. I chose it because I wanted it. As simple as that.

This family is a family I am very grateful for. My grandparents from both sides were known givers. They were generous towards their staff, servants and almost everyone. I say almost cause at times you may miss out one or two people.

I love this family because they’re very accepting. They love me unconditionally. But they’re also very accepting of other people. This post is dedicated to the universe as a token of gratitude.

The family collectively with their experiences has taught me how we must live life with higher goals.

And as we do that the mediocre goals will follow.

My insecurities have vanished immediately. They cease to exist because of this family. Why? Because their stories and their experiences tell me that I have enough courage and wisdom to face life as it comes.

But I also have enough optimism, and foresight to know that my life will be full of prosperity. I will flourish and live extremely well.

Mainly I’ve learnt that giving is valuable. Giving gives you more than you can even imagine.

Life has for me flourished and continues to flourish. It will grow in value. My life will be full of great health of mine and those around me, great wealth of mine and those around me and great happiness of mine and those around me.

More than anything it will also be filled with a lot of knowledge that I will learn from books and connecting with people.

#ThankYouUniverse.

Clean away

Today I had a very very boring low day.

My face has got some heat boils. God knows why (pickles and summer). But I have also grown very irritated. It is probably the humidity.

So after I finished my office shift and was sitting at my desk scribbling random graphotherapy stuff. I decided to get up and clean my cupboard.

It has been long overdue. And what has been even more overdue is giving away things. I’ve had a tendency to hoard. It has been a thing that I made a mission in 2015, after reading about Mary Kondo the art of decluttering, to get rid of everything that I don’t need.

Apparently hoarding things in your cupboard or house in general generates negativity.

In 2015 I came home to Mom one day told her about it and we both decided to throw away things like nobody’s business.

In 2016 when we moved back to our house from our rented apartment we threw 3 carton worth of memories that we were hoarding for almost 22 years. I say memories, but they were mostly useless knick knacks. We’d take an old greeting card, “awww” at it and the next second we are tearing it apart. It’s called being #heartless.

We didn’t stop there. As we were moving out of the rented flat to the new one, we got rid of a ton of utensils. We gave away a lot of unnecessary clothes that were just lying and so many papers that were pointless.

My god and being a Hindu household the amount of Kumkum and ash and other pilgrimage “knick knacks”. They were insanely huge amount of it. My mom and I opened the cupboards, boxes and every single corner of our house to hunt for these rubbish things that were taking up space and warding off negative energy.

We were exterminating useless junk basically.

2017, it continued and now 2018.

2018 started off slow in the exterminating junk’ department. We did get rid of a bunch of stuff. But just not enough to applaud ourselves yet.

And yes, you need to maintain this practise of E.J (exterminating junk) every year. Otherwise every year, due to our collective habit as human beings to consume and be materialistic, you’ll soon find yourself amongst stuff you don’t need.

Today I gave away things that I have been hoarding since 2013 and 2014. So it never stops. Thankfully there’s no more junk from the 90s. Those things left in 2016 itself.

One of the most vivid memories of 2016 is when my Mom, Dad and I tore up over 400 business cards.

Yeah over 400! I am not even exaggerating. Even amongst those there were some that were supposed to not be torn. But Dad, unwillingly, made the hard choice and participated in our E.J. project

I don’t know how to explain how it feels.

But there’s no better feeling than getting rid of things. You may think buying that new outfit, gadget etc was awesome. But once in a while try to throw some things away.

That feeling is absolutely unbeatable by the former feeling of buying things.

Goodnight world 😘

Share this:

Nights are the toughest at times

I miss you solely because I sometimes feel very lonely.

I scroll through the twitter feed and wonder what part of the world you are in. What thoughts are you reading and thinking. Are you fast asleep or is it too soon for that in your part

Did you have a good dinner, not like I’m your mother yet I just wonder.

I wonder if you yearn for my touch as I do for yours. Not just the skin but the touch of words.

To feel your breath next to my neck. To see you fall asleep, as I do so too.

To wake up next to you oh babe. How much I yearn for that

How much I miss you. Knowing you’re somewhere out there and yet we’ve not met hurts me. It makes me feel like the universe is simply elongating the drama.

And yet I urge myself to give up hopes and expectations.

I’ve given them up both. But when it comes to you, I know you exist. Out there waiting for me as I wait for you. 🙂

And when we meet, it shall be like we were always together.

And we shall be together for the rest of our lives, till we finally attain liberation.

Mistakes

Someone just pointed out an annoying habit of mine. Something that is so wrong and annoying.

My mind began racing to find out flaws in them instead of accepting the flaw in me. This is a form of defense mechanism our brains use. I don’t know where it is rooted, because I just discovered it. It’s like when someone hits you in the spot you’re the most sensitive or weak, your immediate reaction is to find out where do they hurt the most and do the same to them.

When I realised that is what I’m doing I immediately stopped and asked myself what good is this? If life was simply a match to start ruthlessly pointing out flaws in everyone, then when will growth happen.

Yeah. The friend of mine who did point the flaw in me hit me where it hurt the most. But it was much needed. My mistake was a form of self destruction more than anything. And I want to stop.

The mistake/ flaw isn’t anything major. It’s a stupid mental exercise I perform before taking any decision where I involve too many people. I start telling a lot of people about the situation at hand and get a little too overwhelmed by everyone’s opinion on it. It is such an unnecessary, self-harming and disturbing habit. It has thankfully been brought to my notice in a very direct way.

I tried to justify it through other means in my head. But finally I want to accept this flaw and rectify it.

Every self help exercise’s first step is to address the issue. So here I am. Addressing my issue.

Thank you. 🙂

Planting seeds

Today, I rewatched the Lorax for the fifth time maybe. I know that’s not a lot. But for someone like me, who absolutely hates watching movies, it is a lot.

I remember the end of the movie very very well. Especially the quote “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” – Dr. Seuss

I had a screenshot of that part. I sent it to my phone and made it my wallpaper for a long time during college days.

But, that movie got me thinking about something else. About seeds. In the movie theres a boy with an aim to plant a seed as all trees are gone. The animation of the movie is beautiful and that seed becomes a very tiny plant; while it is being fought over by some characters.

This made me look outside the window and see real trees. I mean how genius is this design? One small seed becomes a massive tree in the right environment.

Then I thought a little further, one small seed and egg becomes a human. (Okay, that’s horrible phrasing. Someone get me an editor.) But one small seed. One small embryo.

And this goes for other animals too. Out of one small egg comes a chicken.

A ‘very small thing’ is what all of our origin is essentially. And somehow the world seemed a little less scary at this thought. I don’t know what did it. Probably the humbleness of all our origins.

‘The humble beginnings’.

And maybe there’s this one big seed from where all these various seeds came out of and then we were made.

Maybe the big bang was the seed finally exploding into different seeds. Who knows. And as atmosphere and dimensions changed, the characteristic of the seed changed and therefore its output changed.

But if you take it all back (planets, satellites, living beings, atoms molecules) and mesh them back together then they’d return to its original state of the big seed.

Or maybe that’s where the seeds are headed. Towards meshing back into its original state. Then calmly chilling and eventually bursting out and big bang again and repeat.

I’ve used the word seeds too many times. I should probably buy a garden and start gardening. Or a farm. Or both.